Who is God?

My apologies to Marga of Angeles City for taking off from her Blog, "What if there is no God?" I was impressed with her thoughts and well, it stirred me to comment and well, er, add more questions to her question. Below is my response to her post:
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Hi! You’ve raised a mind shattering idea there and indeed, we sometimes have to question things for us to eventually believe. I ask you, what God do you believe in/refer to? I mean no offense, it is just a question which also haunted me the past years in my own quest for answers to firm up my faith. I was raised as a Christian but growing up, I realized I really do not know much or really understood the practice of faith and the beliefs/teachings that goes with my religion. I do know there is a God. I then asked, who is God?
As humans we desire to have order in our lives, we ardently need knowledge to understand everything that relate to our existence, to find answers to all questions that crop to our heads. What goes beyond our human comprehension, we dismiss as unimportant or even untrue. We try to make things as real, as tangible, as explicable for us to believe and be comforted.
Back to my question, what God do you believe in? Is it the one God who is the reason for everything there is, or the God who is identified with the trinity, or the saints, or the sto ninos and the poons? I mean, who do you pray to? I ask this because while we all agree that there is A GOD, we do refer to different Gods. This may be blasphemous to many but I do think Jesus is not God and that the images of Mary, the saints and the baby Jesus are just images or pieces of stone/ceramics and praying to them is idolatry. Like what I said, we humans try to make sense of everything in our lives by generating rationalizations. In order to understand God, we have humanized God to enable us to relate, believe. We are given a face, a history, his geneology, his works and a story of his divinity. As humans, we are more comfortable to believe in something we can identify with our senses and reasoning rather than holding on to something we don’t know except for the knowledge that IT exists. Maybe I just didn’t get the logic of the trinity because Im rather confused with how God is Jesus and the spirit and then add to this equation Mary being the mother of God, and Jesus being the son of God is also the wife of mary. I just know that God is powerful beyond human imagination that He can make things happen. He can destroy us if He wills it.
Sister, have you ever asked if Jesus really intended himself to be God when he said, "Believe in the Father?" Jesus died, but God is always with us. Have you ever asked if you really believed in Jesus and his teachings? Ever asked if being a Christian means believing in the teachings of Jesus or believing in Jesus as God? Ever wondered if by believing in Jesus’ divinity, you actually veer away from God?
I ask you not to insult or offend you. There is no compulsion in religion afterall. It is your quest and I pray that God will grant you guidance for He alone is the reason for everything.
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I forgot to ask her if she ever questioned the scriptures and the teachings in Christianity, ala Dan Brown. I liked Da Vinci Code but to the issue of religion, I believe with what he raised that there has been distortions to the scriptures, manipulated if I must say, to prove the divinity of Jesus Christ. Why? For political purposes. Texts have been written and rewritten a number of times to fit the need of the period, and at that time, Paul intended to convert the pagans. Oh well, this portion will be in my nxt blog. Just note, that paul who was the primemover of christianity and the divinity of Jesus was not one of the apostles and born scores of years after Jesus’ death. Wonder if how can he have a real idea of the life of Jesus when most of the writings o the apostles were lost or destroyed? These distortions are not limited to Christianity. Its true for many religions and its sad to realize that people are made to believe in something that was not really sacred thus made to unwittingly become unfaithful, disbelieve in God actually.

Wide Awake

Am writing nothing profound. The title just states my current state of sleeplessness. Its 4:42 in the morning and im here drinking coffee while pounding at my keys to write what i can squeeze from my head as sane thoughts. Sign of ageing, I guess. But then, 30 years is not that old naman di ba (please confirm hehehehehe)? Haayyy…. Will just wait for the clock to hit 5:00 so I can transform to my mommy/housewife mode. Its too early to cook breakfast anyway so might as well maximize my remaining minutes of freedom hehehehe. As if I can write anything besides these mundane things about literally doing nothing in the wee hours of the morning. Can’t even get myself to compose a smart enough (oo, smart ako) comment on current events– am not really attuned to the happenings of the times lately except for the sentence on Saddam Hussein and the SC ruling on the People’s Initiative which every TV and radio station we tune into kept on announcing. My current events mostly include my son rad’s inserting a piece of green peas into his ear kasi nabibingi raw siya sa ingay ng mga kalaro niya, my daughter ima’s score in her math periodical test, my husband’s ear infection, the leak in our water line, our electric bill, my SOS to my dad to look for a new yaya, the state of my laundry, and our menu for the week. Whew. Serious stuff, eh? Hehehehe. How about doing some reflection on life, family values, humanity, rights and other topics na tipong kailangan mong magreview bago sumabak sa reflection? Too tedious, baka maubos lahat ng buhok ko sa kakaisip. Like to do that but not today. Baka magshort-circuit ang utak ko haha. The reflections Im capable of doing right now is how I can give enough time to each kid so they’ll all feel loved and happy. Also how to not get too tired of housework so I can sustain my kind and loving disposition and my energy for play. Hmmm, maybe I can include in my reflection list the ways I can do a makeover so I can look 10 years younger hehehe. I would love to hear people say "mukha kang teenager!" Ha ha. Wish ko lang. Noon, my husband told me that Im ageing gracefully, meaning di ako mukhang matanda (hmmm, baka naman carefully phrased na sagot yon na ang ibig sabihin ay mukha na akong 50 pero ayaw lang niya akong ma-hurt? Grrrr). Ngayon, when I ask him if maganda ako (women do need flattering every now and then aside from the usual affirmations of love), ang bilis ng sagot! "Oo naman!" Parang automatic reply sa telepono. Hmp. When I go to the mall, there are these salesladies who sell beauty products. They approach you and try to convince you to buy their stuff. I hate it when they do that kasi hindi maganda and opening nila. "Ma’am, gusto niyo ng makeover?" "Ma’am, skin whitening po." Grrr. Parang ipinamumukha sa akin na I need to have a makeover ASAP at mukha akong ulikba para gumamit ng whitening lotion at soap. Subukan lang ng mga yon na magoffer sa akin ng deodorant at baka magtransform ako bigla into Madam Claudia.
Its 5 am. Saka na ulit ito.

Internet Cafes

Internet cafes are very convenient really, especially for us urban poor professionals without home-internet connections (ergo, kahit landline na telepono, WALA!). Those shops popping almost everywhere are blessings from heaven when you have to submit a paper, have to write someone or to just nag at somebody. But of course, there is a BIG BUT. In far away Valenzuela where we currently live amongst the carabaos and goats (kami sa bahay, sila sa bukid to make things clear), these internet shops are actually tambayans. Phew. Hindi naman sila marami kasi, far-away nga ang lugar namin na tipong kailangan mo na nga raw ng visa at passport pagpunta dito. Una, walang aircon. The owner of one of the shops I visited in our area seemed to think that enclosing a roomful of computers and people with only a ceiling fan for ventilation is more than enough. Gosh, the longest I stayed in that place was 10 minutes– I felt I was sitting inside a time bomb that is about to explode. Imagine all machines exploding for overheating or the connection of the shop overloading). Pangalawa, mabaho. There is this internet shop in a nearby village. Okay sana at mukha namang maayos. Kahit walang aircon, at least, maluwag-luwag. But no, hindi pa umiinit ang puwet ko sa shop eh sumugod ang isang herd ng adolescent males. Napaligiran ako ng mga kalalakihan, mga kalalakihang katutuli pa lang at nakow, nakalimutan atang maligo! Eh ang dami nila na nagaagawan sa mga computers para maglaro ng Ragnarok, kaya-sari-saring body smells ang naghalo sa hangin. Got a bad headache after that, promise. Third, Maingay. Dahil maraming adolescent males ang naglalaro ng Ragnarok and they all seem to be into the game (mind you, when youngs boys love the game they play, they squeal like girls hehehehehehehe) kaya its UBER NOISY. Actually this is okay pa for me. I can stand the shouts, the threats, the challenges made along the lines of the game because thats normal. Well, kinda. In an Internet shop a few blocks from this one, you will not hear shouts of battle but malulutong na mura. And these are not from adolescents but from 8-10 year old boys. Shocking. I was really shocked to hear one tiny boy scream (P.I.!!!!!!) and was half a mind to make palo that kid. Grabe, mas magaling pa siyang magmura sa akin. Hay……
Most of the times I go to these shops are weekends so that explains why these shops are being attacked by kids. Am just wondering if all these kids have their parent’s permission to play Ragnarok or if they know at all. Computer Rentals does not come cheap. An hour of gaming costs 25 php and kids sometimes play 3-5 hours non-stop. Group playing has become the practice though, to save money maybe. I heard kids pooling their money and 2 kids play in one computer and 2 in the other (they call this "bakas"). But still, even if some of the kids have parents who can spare a hundred pesos to burn for Ragnarok Gaming, not all of them can really afford it. And mind you, computer gaming attract not only young boys but young adults as well. I remember one time I was in a jeepney going home from work. 2 friends were talking about their friend who was not able to enroll because he spent all his money that was suppossedly for his tuition fee on Ragnarok. Tsk.Tsk.Tsk.
Am not really against Internet shops–why should I when I am so into net surfing and I don’t have internet at home? Im just bothered to see kids being used by other people to earn more money.I hope the gaming does not affect their studies (tho there have been studies that computer gaming affects the behavior, decision-making pattern and analytical skills of kids). Well, when you think about it, in our area, who would go net surfing? The college students, the professionals? Not many I suppose. Kaya siguro naisipang magpacomputer games. Mas madali ang kita.

Mommy Blues

June 18, 2006

Saturdays and sundays are my family days. Its for playing with my kids, cooking for them and helping them with assignments and other school stuff. Days to be a mommy. Well, I imagined, of course, that these days will be fun and peaceful. Ngars, I forgot two facts, one that I have four kids and two, they are the noisiest gaggle of tots ever born in the planet earth…. Buhuhuhuhuhu….

Friday night pa lang, since its movie night, we stayed up late to watch Balto (for the trillionth time). While the kids laughed over the antics of Muk and Luk, I closed my eyes so I can rest my poor eyes weary from a full day of staring at the computer. Then suddenly, my youngest (Max) jumped onto me landing sitting on my stomach. I thought I spewed all my entrails with that heavy surprise. Then he pulled my hair and asked me to play horsie-horsie. Di pa naman ako masungit kaya, pinagbigyan ang hilig. Siya, horsie horsie sa sementong pagkalamig-lamig. After that I have two big pasas on both of my knees. Mukha na nga doorknob ang tuhod ko, nalagyan pa ng mantsa. Huhuhuhuhu. After I fixed the bunso a bottle of dede and got drunk with milk and eventually fell asleep, I thought I can call it a day. But no! My eldest Ima, turned to me and asked me a barrage of questions. "Mommy, bakit mo ako gustong maging girl?" "Mommy, bakit gusto mo apat kaming anak mo?" "Mommy, bakit mo kami mahal?" "Mommy, bakit mommy ang tawag sa mommy?" "Mommy, ayaw mo ba kaming maging 12?" Haaaayyyy….I answered her as clear as possible without humiliating myself (kasi her questions were rather probing, parang reporter). Pero after an hour of question and answer session, I literally pleaded that we sleep. Mabuti pumayag.

Saturday. I woke up late of course. I heard shouting and crying from downstairs so I checked it out. The kids were fighting over something, for sure. I went down, still drowsy but I put on my "stern mom" look (imagine– myself, di pa nagsuklay, di pa nagtoothbrush at GUTOM). My two year old (max) and 3 year old (aye) were hitting each other because they both want to stay infront of the TV. The two older kids (ima and rad) were shouting because they cant see anything. I tried to be diplomatic. "Mga anak, tama na yan." They all made sumbong– all have different versions of what happened. Then the bunso clung to my legs, urging me to carry him. I picked him up and wiped his tears. Aye saw this and wailed that I carry her too. So I carried her on my other arm. The bunso found this unjust he tried to push his sister down. So they pushed each other until I had to put them both down. More crying. The older kids then started demanding choco-oatmeal (they just had a heavy breakfast). I said no. I sighed, fixed a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal. The kids said, "bakit ikaw? Madaya ka mommy? Bakit ikaw lang ang pwede sa oatmeal?" How can I argue with that? So I made gawa ng 4 bowls of oatmeal. I was pretty low-energy that day so after lunch (I cooked ginataang kalabasa which took forever before I was able to convince the kids to eat), we watched "the wild" (this one also seen for the nth time) so we can have some peace in the house. So Its pretty quiet for about 2 hours. After the movie, the kids played outside the house. How wonderful. hehehehe. I was even able to read a book.

Sunday, after the usual chaos during breakfast and lunch. We started doing assignments. Mind you, I have 3 kids going to school. I have a first grader, a prep and a nursery. All of them have books and assignments. I tried to make the task as systematic as possible– starting first with the eldest. After explaining to her what she needed to do, I turned to Rad and helped him read. Aye (the nursery) started nagging me to look at her and her work with her crayons. I did and kissed her for her work. I turned again to rad but aye again insisted that I look at her artwork. Sya, sige, at may I sabi na "ang ganda, anak." I turned again to rad but after reading a sentence, Ima wailed, "mommy, patulong naman!" At the same time, Aye shouted, "mommy, mommy, ignan mo toyors ko!" I gave up. I told the kids that I can’t help them all at once. So I set a time for them, beginning 4 in the afternoon. So with that, I was studying with the kids till 10 in the evening.

Whew! So much for peace. But its kinda fun naman. The kids can really push you to your limit and as I often say, with kids like mine, anong pinagsasabi ninyong child-friendly? hehehehe. But in all honesty, I love my kids and everything they do. Their antics, the way they talk, their learning, their growth are all so precious because kids grow up so fast. One moment they are babies, the next, magiging lola na ako (que horror!). Its not easy to be a mom and it takes a lot from a woman to be a good one. Its not easy but its something that is worth undertaking. Trust me. Im four times blessed.

Of course, I can complain with the noise, the incessant play and fighting, the kalat in my house and the inevitable breaking of things but these are nothing to the completeness I feel for being a mom. Ang gulo no? Pero ganon ang nararamdaman ko.

So Saturdays and Sundays are for my kids. No intrusions to these important days, please. Of course, I still hope for the peace part. MAlay mo naman di ba? hehehee